the kaleidoscope

there are many emotions that masquerade as love. what seemingly is a loving relationship may actually be an unhealthy co-dependency between two emotionally dependent people or among members of a dysfunctional family.

how then do we know if what we feel is pure love or just something that feels like it? take the test below to find out if you’re capable of truly loving or need to unlearn those wrong ways of relating with others:

• i become jealous, possessive and i desire exclusivity with my special friend, viewing other people as a threat to the relationship.
• i want to spend time alone with this special friend and i become frustrated when this doesn’t happen.
• i become irrationally angry or depressed when my special friend withdraws from me.
• i lose interest in my other friendships.
• i experience romantic or sexual feelings leading to fantasy about my special friend.
• i become preoccupied with my special friend’s appearance, personality, problems and interest.
• i am unwilling to make short or long-term plans that do not include my special friend.
• i am unable to see my special friend’s faults realistically.
• i display physical affection beyond that which is appropriate for a friendship.
• i refer frequently to my special friend in conversations; i fell free to "speak" for my special friend.
• i exhibit an intimacy and familiarity with my special friend that causes others to feel uncomfortable or embarassed in their presence.

if you checked any one or more of the above, it’s time to ask yourself: do i really love my special friend or am i trapped in an emotionally dependent relationship? be honest with yourself and your loved one. set each other free and seek to be heated.

"if only i can have 15 minutes - just 15 minutes - all to myself," you’re thinking. now if you don’t think you can afford it, take this test:

True or False:

1. i have more than enough time to do what i want to do.
2. i am on a health regimen that helps me feel energized
3. i look forward to every day.
4. there are no people in my life who drain me.
5. i love my home.
6. i have no clutter in my home and office.
7. i live a life pursuing what i want instead of what i should do.
8. my work is satisfying and rewarding.
9. i take at least two weeklong vacations a year.
10. i do not work on weekends.
11. i get plenty of sleep.
12. i have plenty of quality time with my children and the  people who matter me,
13. i have at least one hobby pastime outside of my work and family activities.
14. i eat foor that make me feel energized instead of sluggish.
15. i have the space to take at least 15 minutes of silence a day.
16. i have friends that are easy to be with and a joy to spend time with.
17. i carry no heavy emotional burdens or addictive behaviors.

give yourself a point for every "true" answer.

9 and above = looks like you’re living a well balanced life.

8 or less = your lifestyle may need some fine tuning.

if you failed the test, "stop. take two days off immediately to regroup and relax," says Laura Berman Fortgang, author of Living Your Best Life and NOW WHAT?90 Days to a New Life Direction, a prominent personal coach. "ask yourself what you are hating, tolerating, or resenting about the current state of you life. make a list and start doing your best to correct things right away," she adds. doing so will not just keep you from exhaustion, depression and anxiety orders in the future. it’ll also spare your family and career as a result. so go ahead and take a 15-minute vacation.

Does your relationship need some cranking up? Address it as soon as possible. Most splits are due to gradual slips in each partner’s behavior rather then a single cataclysmic event. This is a sad thing since it can be prevented. Memorize and live out these three important As to a great relationship:

1. Appreciation. Gratitude is the simplest life preserver for relationships. It makes the other person feel seen and heard – that he or she matters. Strive daily to think of something that your partner did and thank him or her for it, even on those bad days. It will help you both weather the storms of love.
2. Attention. This advice goes out to men but women can learn from this too. Don’t be too busy that you forget to give your partner attention. Husband, have you stopped bringing her flowers or giving her a note for no reason? Wife, have you become too busy with housework that you’ve forgotten to say I love you? Remember, you’re committed to a human being, not to a work machine or a house robot.
3. Appearance. This tip is for women although men are not exempted. Men are visual creatures so take good care of how you look. Make your appearance a priority. And men, if you expect your wives to look good, please do the same as well. (health.yahoo.com/experts/sexualhealing)